I'm a pathetic excuse for a human being(or at least an adult) and i don't know what to do.?

I can't get out of bed in the morning or do any other simple task without having a mental battle with myself which just leads to me crying myself to sleep and wanting to cause myself some serious damage. I can't stop self pitty-ing or genuinally get over myself. Im too anxious to even talk on the phone never mind do anything else, i can't live the indipentant life i should be becasue of these silly fears i have. I don't think im 100% mentally, im thinking of going on medication. I just wish i could get a part time job and go back to college, but im making things extreamly difficult for myslef. Im out of ideas of what to do, i don't respond well to force. My boyfriend promised to give me lots of love when he gets back, but even seems pointless unless your trying to reproduce(which i would like but we need money first). I hate being cynical. Should i just 'pretend' everything is ok and get on with my life, i hate lieing though.